So, this is my blog where I will be very honest about myself. I have gone on too long like this and I don’t even know how to get help or change this messed up life I exist in these days. Maybe If I talk about it, I will find the path I need.
I am afraid to weight myself. I think I may be at 290 pounds. I can’t believe it…but at the same measure, I have no desire to change this. It’s like I live in two places..the inner me that rules the roost and the outside me that everyone sees. We battle often. I hear inner, but I ignore it, I hear Ty, but I ignore him…it fails to penetrate my skull. I think I am trying to kill myselp slowly and painfully with food. I can’t stop binging and eating, it’s driving me crazy. I have consumed so much sugar I can’t believe I haven’t slipped into a diabetic coma. The sad part is I truely wish I did have something wrong with me so I would have a reason to lose weight.
Today’s Food: egg mcmuffin, sausage mcmuffin, chips and dip, yogurt, 4 wagon wheels, broccoli and cheese soup, small french bread loaded with butter. The day is not done. I expect the wagon wheel count to go up and there will be more chip and dip consumption.
I am drinking a fine bottle of Australian red wine. Oh how I love my Aussie wines. I drink too much on weekends. I need to stop this destructive behaviour because it depresses the crap out of me when the week starts. Just talking about it depresses me. I think I need an other glass of wine and I going to roll a joint.
I wish I were joking…
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