Well I have emerged from my sick bed after two weeks, a little worse for wear but none the less alive, only to pull a muscle in my back and be unable to stand upright. Joy of joys. Just when one thinks they have ditched the panadol habit and will only return to bed and bedtime, I’m forced to start taking painkillers, lie down frequently and sit at precarious angles all over the house. Life couldn’t be better……
It’s not so much the flu and pulled muscles that really get to me, it’s also the lack of money. I am broke beyond anything which I ever thought possible before. Broker than the brokest person living in the brokest town who just found out he was extra broke (if we want to get all Monty Python about it). The thing about being broke isn’t for me so much that I can’t buy anything, but the boredom, much of which is self-induced and indulgent. I can sit for ages in the front room, with nothing to do and think about all the things I would do if I had any money. I would go to the cinema, have a walk around the shops, go for a pint, etc etc, even though I am fully aware that even if I did have money I would be rather unlikely to do these things anyway and would probably just be spending my time thinking about something else. Therefore it would seem to me that financial deprivation leads to depression more through state of mind than actual brokeness. As I will undeniably be penniless for a good while longer I may as well try and work on my mental skills for dealing with this situation rather than dwell on all of the things that I would do if I actually had any money (I’d love to be going to the cinema today…….STOP IT STOP IT).
What pittance I do have to spend during the week has to be planned out very carefully. Once food, heating and bills are covered what little I can currently call ‘fun money’ tends to be spent on alcohol. If one is going to be bored and broke my feeling is that I may as well be a little bit sozzled too. Beer is good, but I find I tire of it quite quickly, and it turns out some cheap wines are okay (as long as one lines the stomach beforehand). Saturday night tv, watched in the full knowledge that all of your friends are out having a good time spending their money, is much better once one has consumed half a bottle of Tesco’s five euro Soave wine. Even now, at midday, I’m thinking about whether or not I can scrape together enough change to have a little drinkie. This will have to stop soon though as not only is it very likely to lead to alcoholism, but it is also not very friendly to the waistline.
Perhaps I should try and lose myself in some work instead……………………………….
Or maybe not…………
I have been meaning to start working on an article for quite some time now and still haven’t mustered the courage to do so. I really must do it this month, for fear that it runs into the New Year and I will still be unemployed and will also be without a published article, hence diminishing my chances for getting a research grant.
I have decided that I will start this week. Or at the very least start researching the possibility of perhaps starting to work. Ah, the procrastination skills of a recently finished PhD student are second to none. I bet you I can procrastinate all the way into the New Year……
Ciao for Now,
UA (The Unemployed Academic)
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